Correlations #1: Prayer & Masturbation

Correlations is a new (recurring?) feature in which two disparate ideas, objects, or actions are juxtaposed in order to examine correlating ways to view them. It is a comparison not of the ideas, objects, or actions in and of themselves, but rather a comparison of attitudes or themes made by external observation. That which is examined is not equated, only correlated. Thus in the case of this entry, I am neither as cynical as to call prayer a form of masturbation nor as dedicated to embodied spiritualism to call masturbation a form of prayer.

I.
From pre-K to 12th Grade I attended Modern Orthodox Jewish schools. The idea behind those schools is to raise observant Jewish children, at least somewhat within a modern secular culture. Observing (and experiencing) the “growth” of myself and my classmates, was not only an observation of the “maturation” of children to adults, but also the “maturation” of Jews and their religious capacities. From first learning the Bible as simple (and censored) stories to relearning them with close examination of underlying themes, implications, and meanings, the ways we were led to relate to Judaism and spiritual practice evolved. The practice of prayer is a prime example.

Everyday of elementary and high school, before any learning, the entire class would conduct the Morning Prayer service. In elementary school, this was conducted in the classroom. Of course it is not easy to keep a class of 30 kids focused for 30-40 minutes and in these formative years of Jewish indoctrination the teachers thought it best to do what ensures any kid’s focus: make it a competition. Thus the Prayer Chart. Everyday, the teacher would select the “best” prayers of the day. Those students would be awarded a star next to their name, at the end of the semester, the student awarded the most stars was rewarded with something like a box of candy or something. Now the teachers probably determined the “prayer of the day” by whoever was the quietest, but we had our own way. If you finished the silent prayers quickly, it meant that you were able to read all that Hebrew (12 pages in the prayer books we used) fluently. If you could read that Hebrew that well and that quickly, you must have been a good prayer. It was a sign of status. Of course some of the kids finished in under three minutes, but everyone knew they were cheating (after all, they tended to be the poorer students who especially found Hebrew to be difficult for them). Some students prayed out of conviction others to be noticed by the teachers. I admit I was more of the latter than the former, but I was never a cheater. I was upset when they didn’t give me a star. Sometimes I figured the teachers were just rigging it to keep it close

As we grew, our Hebrew got better, and the daily reciting of the silent prayer made it familiar to us (we knew most of it by heart), so we were finishing faster and faster. I was praying faster and faster. But then one day, when I had prayed faster than ever before, I looked around the room and for some reason all my competition (the top prayers in the class) weren’t done, not even close. Apparently I hadn’t received the message. Suddenly good prayer was no longer fast prayer, but meaningful prayer. The longer you prayed, the more intensity and intent you put into each and every word, the better prayer you were. It was a complete reversal of the time-to-quality ratio. It seemed like the competition changed also; students seemed to push one another to see who could pray the longest.

At the time, I was shocked, but really it makes a lot of sense. By this age, we were all able to read Hebrew more than proficiently, we were all familiar with the prayers, there was no competition there. Now it was only a matter of who could derive more meaning, be more intense, have better control.

II.
From the age of 8 to the age of 16, I attended a summer camp. The idea behind camp was to spend a summer outside of the city with kids my own age in an environment a little less rigid as school. Observing (and experiencing) the “growth” of myself and my campmates, was not only an observation of the “maturation” of children to adults, but also the “maturation” of sexualities and sexual identities. From first being able to orgasm to boasting to your bunk about exactly what that girl did to you (or what you did to her) behind the bunk, the ways we discussed and understood sexuality and sexual capacities evolved. The practice of (male) masturbation is a prime example.

There was a time when none of us knew about masturbation or about orgasms. There was a time when we heard rumors about it (at one point I remember thinking it was something like whipped cream from a pressurized can). But in these formative years of sexual indoctrination, after certain chemicals got flowing and certain body parts started changing, the truth about masturbation couldn’t be kept from our heads, discussions, or bunks. Thus the masturbation game. After lights out, the bunk counselors left the bunk before they were ready to go to bed themselves. For the most part it was a chance for our bunk to act its rowdiest with no adult supervision other than the occasional bunk checks. When we were 14 or so, two of my bunkmates, two of the “cooler” more athletic bunkmates, devised a new way to compete: they each started on their beds, with their hands in plain view. At the count of three, they could begin without any external aids or substances to masturbate. It was a timed competition and whoever was able to achieve ejaculation (and show proof thereof) was named winner. The rest of the bunk cheered their pick along and judged the competition—cheating would not be tolerated. It was a sign of status, displaying sexual abilities and pubescent progression. It really excited the rest of the bunk. I admit myself included. When the winner was announced, my losing bunkmate was upset and claimed that it wasn’t fair (he said had just masturbated a few hours prior).

As we grew from summer to summer, and became more sexually mature and more sexually experienced, the ability to cum within 13 seconds soon became somewhat less of a feat to boast about. At some point kids were starting rumors about premature ejaculation, a concept that no 13 year old boy had even imagined. And if you were the target of those rumors, you risked becoming a sexual pariah. Suddenly a sexually viable person didn’t depend on the speed with which he could get it done, but rather the length and intensity of the sexual experience. It was a complete reversal of the time-to-quality ratio. It seemed like the competition changed also; boys were pushed for fear of embarrassment to last longer and longer. We were told girls wanted whoever could last the longest.

I can’t say that I was especially shocked. It really made a lot of sense. At some point being able to masturbate wasn’t impressive; everyone was mature enough to do it. Now it was only a matter of convincing a partner to share in your sexuality, that you could offer something more intense with better control.

~Josh